What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 02:48
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who was most disrespectful today, Zelensky, Trump, or Vance? Give examples.
Put me off passion for life!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What makes someone feel "rich enough" in different societies?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Police take back statement dismissing hate crime in gay actor’s killing - The Washington Post
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
6 Daily Habits Doctors Say Will Help You Live Longer - SELF Magazine
She wouldn,t have been !
This is soul school!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Brad Pitt and Tim Cook surprise fans at Apple Fifth Avenue ahead of ‘F1 The Movie’ release - 9to5Mac
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When she asked me how she looked .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
2025 NBA Finals: 4 things to watch for in Game 7 of Finals - NBA
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Xbox sale round-up June 17, 2025 - TrueAchievements
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why did i forgive my father ?
What did i know ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im still living with it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I will be 64.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I have no regrets .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was very sick at this time too.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I don,t even have a pension.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I could never make a relationship work though!
But it wasn’t much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was seconnd youngest,
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
All the time i was locked up.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She loved him until the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
(And it was in our own minds.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was in good health!
And i lived it daily.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was 9 years of age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I waited trembling.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I write beautiful poetry .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So whats the point in blame.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So, i spoilt her more .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I said to her
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He knew the spot.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We all went to grammer schools
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was scared of men, in general
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Comes on , in middle age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Would this be the day?
Ive learnt so much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.